I wrote this early in the morning, I think it's my most creative time, or maybe I was just tired and confused...*shrug* I don't share my poetry... well, today would be the first day... enjoy!
The turmoil inside is mew to me
Completely confused by what it could be.
Trying to find the ballad, sonnet, song
All the lyrics are entirely wrong.
It’s stronger than the numb it replaced
My wall of simplicity broken by a simple embrace.
A voice of restraint lost in confusion
no army to protect my delusion.
My once total control, lost
why must truth have such a cost?
The shroud of delusion chipped away,
Why must my thoughts refuse to stray?
A question with no resolve
Cannot help my emotions dissolve
But my mind rationalizes what it can’t understand
Unwilling to accept complete loss of command
Practiced powers are stronger
Although it pains me, my sill holds longer
Habit dominates; what was before will be again
My happy-randomness little more than feign
Feelings become thought, consciously controlled
My emotions again completely untold.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I like it, the rhyme and rhythm are very well-done. Alot of it seemed rather cliche, though... Like Jenna said it didn't quite seem heartfelt. There's just so much teenage poetry about conflicting emotions... but you pulled it off far better than many people do; while this wasn't especially original, it didn't come across as whiny or angsty, like so many similar poems do.
Nice work on this, I encourage you to continue sharing your poetry.
I made some corrections, some changes... I still don't know what I'm doing writing poetry. And I don't have any sort of title...
The turmoil inside is new to me
Completely baffled by what it could be.
Trying to find the ballad, sonnet, song
All the lyrics are entirely wrong.
It’s stronger than the numb it replaced
My wall of simplicity broken by a simple embrace.
A voice of restraint lost in confusion
No army to protect my allusion.
My once total control, lost.
Why must truth have such a cost?
The shroud of delusion chipped away,
Why must my thoughts refuse to stray?
A question with no resolve
Cannot help my emotions dissolve.
But my mind rationalizes what it can’t understand;
Unwilling to accept complete loss of command.
Practiced powers are stronger,
Although it pains me, my will holds longer.
Habit dominates; what was before will be again.
My happy-randomness little more than pleasing feign.
Feelings become thought, consciously controlled;
My emotions again completely untold.
That was cute, and deap, but it didn't really seam too heartfealt. Thats probably just me though, and as a hole its really great! I hope you post more stuff though, and I love the rhimming!
Congrats on sharing your poetry. I'll try to be gentle with you. I applaud your use of multi-syllabic words and getting them to rhyme. You have a very scructured rhyme, but freedom in line length, so it doesn't come across as too controlled. You repeat words a little. You might want to watch that. You use forms of the word "Confusion" and "Control" more than once. All in all, not bad for a poem written first thing in the morning. All I can manage that early is a few curse words and smashed alarm clocks.